Lessons Learned

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DEAR FRIEND IN THE LORD,

          These words have been on my heart so I wanted to share them with you.  I feel that through every experience in life, whether good or bad, there are lessons to be learned.  In just one month, I went from what appeared to be a minor health problem; fibroids in the uterus, to a major cancer scare involving one minor and one major operation.  Now I am facing many weeks of a slow recovery process.  Through every difficult time I have ever faced, God has taught me so many valuable lessons. I would like to share some of them with you in this letter. 
          During this experience, God has taught me that I am in very little control of my life. Things happen that are beyond my control. I did not want to have a hysterectomy.  I did not want to lose the ability to ever have children again.  I wanted more children.  I wanted a baby girl.  In fact, I was praying for twins!  That was one of the very reasons I went to see the gynecologist in the first place, along with the heavy bleeding each month. Suddenly, with the diagnosis of potentially dangerous pre-cancerous cells in my body, my life veered out of control.  After the initial shock, peace did come.  It was the peace of God. Peace in knowing that no matter how “out of control” life seemed to take me; God was and still is totally in control.  I found that His peace truly does pass all human understanding.
          God is also teaching me humility.  I am a person who likes to be on top of everything. I am organized.  I like things to be neat and in order.  I make lists and even keep a daily planner.  I like to do all the housework, the cooking, the shopping, pay the bills, run the errands, etc.  That is all a part of me and who I am.  It is something I feel God has called me to do as a wife and mother and I’m grateful for the opportunity.  Then, all of the sudden, I have become a person who cannot even give herself a bath.  Talk about humility!  I cannot cook for my family or even myself.  Some days just getting out of bed is a major accomplishment.  My independence seems totally gone . I feel like a helpless child in an adult’s body.  I have no choice but to depend on my family and friends.  And in the midst of it all, I see how much more I need to depend on my God. Losing all independence truly liberates you to see how dependent you really are.  There have been times when all I had was God: those late nights in the hospital when the pain was almost too much to bear, the times when I realise that I will never feel the amazing sensation of another human being living within my womb, the reality that there was something in my body that very well could have taken my life.  Those times have drawn me closer to the Lord than I have ever been before. I feel a dependence upon Him like never before.
          Allowing others to help me has also softened my heart.  It was hard for me at first to let others do things for me.  Now I have allowed people to be used by God to be a blessing to my family and myself.  I have come to the realization that I do need others.  I cannot live this life on my own. I cannot be that supermom or superwife I sometimes tried to be.  God created us for fellowship and interdependence upon each other.  I have learned to let others in and let them receive the many joys and blessings of having a servant’s heart.
          This experience has taught me to value what really matters.  When all the trappings of life are stripped away, I can see what really is important.  The afternoon I woke up from surgery, I had never been so thankful in my life.  This thankfulness has stayed with me ever since.  I am so very thankful that the pre-cancerous cells were caught in time, my bleeding problems are over, and eventually my fatigue will be gone.  I am grateful for another chance at life.  The sky is a little bluer these days.  My husband’s hugs feel much warmer.  My little son’s smiles are a little sweeter.  Things are much simpler now.  I like it that way.  My whole perspective of life has changed.  I see it as a gift, a precious gift from God.  I can see how quickly things can change.  I appreciate every moment God has given me.
          Going through two surgeries in one month and hearing that I had a “time bomb ticking inside of me” has strengthened my faith and trust in the Lord.  There comes a time when you realise that you have to put it all into God’s hands and just leave it there.  I found out that I was human like all of us.  I cried several times and asked God “why?”  But, it was not long before God’s marvelous peace covered me like a warm blanket.  I rolled into that operating room the afternoon of my hysterectomy without any fear at all.  I knew that the Lord I so dearly loved and had given my life to many years ago went in there before me.  I knew that His plans for me would be carried out.  I knew that whether in life or death, I would always be with Him.  And, I knew I had laid up a foundation, which would carry me through the difficult days ahead.  I am thankful for my daily time of prayer, Scripture reading, devotions and studying God’s word.  Those Bible verses I had earlier memorized would be a comfort to me when I could not read my Bible due to the heavy medications.  God had prepared me for the difficulties ahead for which I am very grateful.
          Now I am recovering from my surgery.  I thank the Lord for this precious time just to pray, read God’s word, let my body heal and allow others to minister to me.  The tables have turned and now I am on the other side of the ministry.  I feel that I will one day be able to better minister to those who are hurting and face an uncertain future.
          I do not know what lies ahead.  The road ahead may bring many more bumps and turns. I am still waiting on the final biopsy results.  But, no matter what the future brings, I am truly thankful for the path the Lord has brought me on this far.  It is not the path I would have chosen, but now I can see God’s hand in it all.  I believe God has and will use it for His glory.  Now I have a chance to reevaluate my life and make some plans for my future ministry here in Australia.  Pray with me that in the midst of my physical and emotional pain, I can be a blessing to others.  Already God has opened several doors, which had been closed before my surgery.  I also see a change in myself.  I am more humble now and more sensitive to other people’s needs.  Most importantly, I see my relationship with the Lord becoming more dear and intimate.  I can honestly say beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is good all the time.  I am thankful for what has happened these past few weeks.
          I am dearly blessed and quite humbled by the hundreds of cards, letters, emails and phone calls I have received from folks from all over the world praying for me during this time.  It has been a wonderful source of comfort, especially during my darker times. God’s love just keeps shining through.  Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers.  May God richly bless you!  Please continue to pray for me as I begin a new chapter of my life.  I look forward to seeing how God will use me in the future.  Cheers! 

From my heart to yours,
Valerie